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Monthly Archives: November 2013

Dubious Intentions…

From Sherlock Holmes Esq to Dr J Watson:

Watson – I have just become aware of your intention to open said package (do not ask how I am privy to such information..That is filed under the Heading – “Classified”…) – I cannot believe you are contemplating defying my warning! Really, your pig-headedness knows no bounds…. I am On My Way…

SH.

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Posted by on November 20, 2013 in Detective Fiction

 

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Whereabouts?

From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

Holmes,
I had assumed when you instructed me to not open the item I discovered on my dining room table that you were actually on your way here to take command etc. However, as you presumably are aware, you are not here. It has been two days now and I’m wondering if I should just open the damn thing.

Have to say I’m a little peeved.

yours, peevishly

Watson

 
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Posted by on November 20, 2013 in Detective Fiction

 

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Reasons to be Fearful…

From Sherlock Holmes Esq to Dr J Watson:

Watson – I need you to do one small thing before we meet next; you will find a package awaiting when you eventually find your way homewards – on no account open said item; control your natural and inherent curiosity by any means possible – visit Mrs Wetherbucket’s Academy for Wayward Young Ladies if you have to, but Do Not – I repeat DO NOT, even infinitesimally, open what you find sitting on your dining-room table.

Your life depends on your carrying out this simple instruction. I hope to find you hale and hearty when we renew our friendship.

SH.

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2013 in Detective Fiction

 

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The Begrudge

From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

(Via telegraph to Baker Street)

Dear Holmes
I take it you’ve been at the port wine again? You know, it would be nice if for once you could actually tell me where you are – I can barely recall the last time I set eyes on you and even then your own eyes were firmly fixed on the voluptuous bosom of Mrs Ness to the point of considerable distraction.

I should be pleased to receive your next missive and I trust you will not only enlighten me as to your recent experiences, but will reassure me as to your whereabouts? (I’d like to think you’d managed to find yuor way home by now).

On another note, as I’m sure you’ve read in The Times, the real Doctor Crippen and his lover Ethel Le Neve have finally been arrested. I’m rather embarrassed to admit that they turned out to be the very pair I sat next to at the captain’s table several nights ago – no doubt you will regale me with all completely obvious reasons why I should have recognised them and blah blah blah…

We shall be docking at Southampton tomorrow so I hope I can expect to see you back at Baker Street in a few days?

Yours

Somewhat begrudgingly

Watson

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2013 in Detective Fiction

 

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Opium Dreams…

From Sherlock Holmes Esq to Dr J Watson:

(Via carrier pigeon to the SS Montrose)

Watson – you cannot imagine the relief with which I am able to address my old friend in the pure, clean light of day – well, perhaps not pure and clean, but I’m sure you can appreciate the sentiment…I was beginning to believe that I would never again be in a position to do so; that never again would I feel the rain on my face, the gentle breeze, or even a howling gale battering my well-clad form, see and hear the denizens of our bustling streets, which up until now, I do believe I have taken for granted, and at times regarded with annoyance, or at best, mild irritation. Never again will I do so – or at least until this overpowering feeling of pure euphoria subsides.

I expect you will be wondering what the dickens – how Is the splendid fellow?! – I am wittering on about; you will be assuming I have been lost to the world in a drug-induced swoon, or have been interfering with your Medical Supplies again… Far from it – where I have been you would never have believed in your wildest dreams – you would assume I had entered the realms of Fantasy peddled by the likes of Coleridge and his ilk – the Opium Dreams of the Eaters and Scribblers…

Perhaps it is best I start at the Beginning….

SH

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2013 in Detective Fiction

 

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Steaming Along…

From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

I am writing this from aboard the steamer the SS Montrose, as stated in my previous missive. Naturally I’m disappointed that you didn’t feel up to accompanying me, but nevertheless I have made some progress.

Saturday
On boarding the steamer, I made contact with the Captain and ascertained that the couple he believes are masquerading as Doctor Hawley Crippen and Ethel Le Neve are in a fact a popular music-hall act known as The Krankies, which consist of a simpleton and his comedian wife (who, for reasons best known to herself, dresses as a boy). I have spent several evenings in their company and have to admit that they are quite entertaining, though a little slap-stick in their approach to entertainment, however, the main point, of course, is that they are definitely not the aforementioned villain and his mistress.

The captain was a little embarrassed at this error of judgement (since I would not have made the voyage otherwise) and has transferred me, at no expense to myself, to a first class cabin for the remainder of the voyage.

Wednesday
I met an interesting man last evening at the captain’s table. We were speaking of the reasons behind my being on board and he thought this quite amusing, as he himself has apparently also been “identified” by other passengers as Crippen! I did point out to him that he does wear a moustache, glasses and a bowler hat (similar to the police’s wanted poster) but even so, he is quite clearly not the fellow they are pursuing. His companion, an admirable boy, regaled me of several popular songs in a wonderful imitation of that music-hall star Lillie Langtry (in fact I had almost convinced myself that the fellow was a woman!)

Friday
I intend to spend a few days catching up on my journal, so will send this off forthwith and will write again when I arrive in Canada.

NB
You will note that I have not entertained your drivel concerning my wife.

I trust you are well,

Yours Watson

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2013 in Detective Fiction

 

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Pressing Matters

From Sherlock Holmes Esq to Dr J Watson

My dear Watson – I must offer you my sincerest apologies as to my lack of communication this past while; I confess I am dealing with several pressing and somewhat trying personal issues, and have not wished to burden you with these matters, attempting to deal with them in my usual fashion and according to tried and tested methods. Whether this timeworn path will lead to a satisfactory conclusion is anyone’s guess.

However I do have some thoughts on your communication, which I will divulge to your good self in due course. I do not intend to convey a sense of obfuscating mystery here – I am simply not at my best at the present moment, and would not wish to muddy the already murky waters with shoddy suppositions and observations. I trust Mrs Watson is taking good care of your personal requirements, or has she done one of her periodic disappearing-acts? – I only ask as I heard tell of some entertaining goings-on at one of the local Watering-holes, the descriptions of which appeared to mirror Mrs W.’s  M.O. somewhat…

If I have spoken out of turn, I apologise once again.

Your friend, SH.

 
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Posted by on November 11, 2013 in Detective Fiction

 

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