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Straws, for the Grasping of…

From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

The Los Angels Hilton, California

My dear Holmes
The messenger called this morning to let me know that, yet again, you have declined my dinner invitation in lieu of that of the Family Ness. Had I not known you better, Holmes, I should imagine that the object of your attention to be Mr Ness’s lovely wife and that you are somehow attempting to woo her with your vast knowledge of tobacco varieties, or some such tosh. (I trust we are not to witness another one of your “lost weekend” scenarios when you will eventually turn up somewhat the worse for wear and sporting several unsportsman-like venereal diseases?)

No matter, given your apparent lack of interest in this investigation I have taken it upon myself to examine a few theories of my own:

1. As the Black Dahlia’s (Elizabeth Short’s) severely mutilated body was completely drained of blood, I have been looking at the possibility of a similar scenario to that adventure of ours known as The Vampire Who Went Down to Sussex and Came Back Again.

2. Another hypothesis is that our old rival “Jack the Ripper” has re-emerged here in Los Angeles to continue his reign of terror. My reasoning for this is the ┬ánature of the multiple cuts on Short’s thigh and breasts, where entire portions of flesh had been removed. In addition, the body had been washed and moved into a specific pose, so that her hands were over her head, elbows bent at right angles, and her legs spread-eagled.

3. Finally, the look of sheer terror on the victim’s face could be due to another of our old adversaries, “The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town” (who obviously would also have moved to Los Angeles to continue his reign of terror, etc etc).

If you can pick holes in any of these, my friend, please do, as any input from you whatsoever would be nice. Seriously, old bean, this case is driving me mad – if you could shed a morsel of light on the shed door after the horse has bolted, sort of thing (yes I know, I’m mixing my metaphors again), I’d be eternally grateful.

Yours hopefully
Watson.

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2013 in Detective Fiction

 

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Cases…

From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

My Dear Holmes
Now that we have recovered from our recent foray into foreign lands, I assume you’ll be happy to accept at least one of the recent interesting and varied cases that
have been thrust our way? No doubt you have had several requests for assistance at your end, and I too have received a good sackful of letters and invitations relating to murders, burglaries, buggeries, kidnappings and other nefarious wrongdoings.

I have outlined some of the most interesting ones below and look forward to your response:

1 Lady Minge-Tottie Caboodle of Alderley Edge begs your indulgence in the case of her missing husband. It seems the fellow went out to buy a bag of sugar and never
came back. (My brief enquiries have found that Lord Minge-Tottie Caboodle does in fact deal in the import of that particular commodity from the West Indies). While this may be an interesting case (she has offered a large reward for any information), I feel it may not pique your interest enough to warrant our intervention.

2 Elizabeth Short, also known as The Black Dahlia, was found murdered several months ago in a Los Angeles suburb. Her body was neatly severed in half, gutted, and drained of blood. The case has baffled the FBI chap (a certain Mr Elliot Ness) and the authorities are keen that a fresh perspective might shed some light on this most
terrible of crimes. It would, of course, mean a trip to America (and I know how you hate Americans after that case involving the Pinkerton detective), though I do think it would be a feather in your deerstalker to solve this one.

3 An Englishwoman, one Florrie Nightingale, has, as you may have heard, been doing “good deeds” at Scutari Hospital over in the Crimea. However, one of the army
doctors (an old pal of mine) has suggested that Miss Nightingale’s success in apparently curing many thousands of wounded soldiers, may have less to do with actual medical expertise and more to do with her being a distant relative of our old friend Count Dracula. Yes, I thought that would make you gasp! It may, of course, be a load of bloodsucking codswallop, but a number of soldiers who have since returned home, have reported strange markings on their necks and a curious appetite for eating recently deceased animals. Also, a couple of them have been found sleeping in wooden boxes during the day, which I’m sure I don’t have to remind you, is a pretty sure sign of vampiric tendencies.

Let me know if any of the above interests you, Holmes. I shall pop round in the morning for some crumpet (please alert Mrs Hudson).

Later
Watty.

 
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Posted by on November 8, 2013 in Detective Fiction

 

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